Survey Report of Idare Submitted by The Collector

Survey Report – Idare.
Compiled by The Collector.


I have completed an initial survey of the planetoid Idare after crash landing here several weeks ago. This report was delayed primarily because I spent 18 days trying to corral some of my more “exotic” pets that were inadvertently set free during the crash.

This report, while questionable in its accuracy, is a complete documenting of what I felt like writing after three cases of beer, Mongolian Barbeque and a pint of Skenethian Blue Ice Pellets.
I was stunned to discover that Idare is made entirely of glow in the dark, pasteurized cheese product, with a little Spotted Dick thrown in. And odd combination, even by my standards, but tasty none the less, admittedly I would have appreciated a Nutella garnish.

The architecture on the surface of the planet is quite spectacular, but the beings responsible for these marvels have long since departed the planet and left little in the way of documented history behind. I do believe, however, that a complete documenting of the planet’s civilization is here, I just haven’t figured , it out yet. Give me time, a hacksaw and some slave labor and I’ll have it cracked in roughly 7.425 years, 8 months and 23 days.

The architecture does offer some hints about the society that once thrived here. It is clear that they had a fondness for hues of blue and purple. Additionally, they held sea life and water in some sort of religious or ceremonial esteem. Oh, and there were apparently Dragons here at one time as well.
I’ve taken soil and water samples to determine the origin of the bio-luminescence that pervades most all plant and sea life on the planet. Thus far, I have been able to determine that it is previously unrecorded combination of elements. The soil looks and feels like soil, but it exists on a spectrum unreadable by any instrument that I currently possess. The atmosphere of the planet is similarly confusing. It seems to adapt individually to all life forms introduced to it. Even Chr’goth seemed to thrive when I exposed him to the atmosphere. To this end,  I have decided to claim the planet in the name of House Patrexean, and to set up my permanent base of operations in orbit above the planet.
I have also performed cursory surveys of the surrounding planets and have noted no recognizable life forms in the system. All other planets have atmosphere and topography hostile to all forms of life recorded in my databases.

All life on Idare, however, seems to flourish, with the glaring exception of those that were responsible for building the cities. The buildings are littered with crystals that have a unique vibration and visible light spectrum. I have a feeling that further answers about the creators will be found within.

I will keep you up to date on my progress.
Send my heartfelt loathing to the politicians.
The Collector